Mauled by Moomins

The Moomins were getting restless, they'd not killed for a couple of hours and were bored. Then all of a sudden one of the Moomins remembered an annoying weirdo he'd seen on TV  on night when he'd lost the remote and couldn't turn the channel over.

'Bear Grylls! Yes! We should get him!' He excitedly exclaimed, 'he really pisses me off!'

'Yes, I remember him!' replied another moomin, 'he's the dick that drinks his own wizz and eat anything he comes across... has he not heard of Tesco?'

'I'm sure he has, but why pay for nice food when you can eat yak's eyes and drink water from an unspecified source?!' said the first Moomin.

'Ah, yes' mused the second Moomin, 'Didn't he start out life as a tramp until that film crew started following him around?'

'Something like that' replied the first Moomin, 'He's very shit, if we kill him the TV people might bring back a better programme instead, like Brookside!'

Yeah! Brookside! cheered the group of Moomins 'Let's find him and kill him quick!'

The Moomins quickly found Bear Grylls by a tree, they knew that was a good place to look first. He was crouching down in the mud by a pile of leaves he made his home. Weird though, he had a hotel key card sticking out of his rucksack... odd...

The Moomins slowly made their way towards the unsuspecting Bear...

All at once they pounced on Bear, he fought back hard, must be all of that nin-judo-yoga stuff he does... They chased poor Bear playing with him as a cat does it's prey, laughing and hissing as they went.

He didn't stand a chance, guess there's some things an ex-scout, ex-SAS, ex-secret service, survival expert can't survive...

... that'll be Moomins.

They stored his head for later and gave it a wash in a way they tought Bear would like...

The End